I want abusers to be redeemed
Judgement, mercy and other reasons I long for Jesus to return.
I’ve been desperately trying to understand why people seem so bent on supporting abusers in the name of righteousness.
Last Christmas, I read a letter asking for donations to financially support a disgraced pastor of a church I once served with. They said he was struggling to pay his legal fees. As a witness in the trial I couldn’t share my thoughts right away because of the potential for even more delay. But I can now.
The money was for his defence in charges of sexual assault brought against him by the Court. His lawyer was a prominent and effective defender of sexual abusers. I couldn’t find the exact amount (nor has anyone offered any details on how much they raised) but the defence’s rate is estimated to be over $1500/hour. The defence strategy seemed a mix of delays and efforts to discredit, shame, and intimidate the victim. Here’s a sampling of requests that led to the delays and ultimately timed out the case:
Defence request for admission of notes from victims counselling sessions (which was granted after a lengthy back and forth).
Defence request for detailed interview background notes from a reporter who promised anonymity when interviewing the victim for an article.
Defence request for sexual history of victim to be used in the court proceedings (which are public and which they were granted).
Well before the charges were laid there had already been at least two independent investigations substantiating the abuse claims, an admission from his church who instigated the investigation, (with a more extensive apology and clear admission of abuse several months later). His denomination immediately removed his clergy credentials. After all that, a group of ‘supporters’ appealed to financially support his aggressive and harmful defence - in the name of mercy.
I don’t think that word means what they think that word means.
The court case ended on a technicality - it took too long. His defence effectively delayed the court as long as was necessary to reach the time allotted for a fair trial and the judge had to dismiss the case. Ironically, his public statement said he was looking forward to his ‘day in court’ and yet the trial was stayed at his own request. He evidently received enough donations to execute the defence strategy to its conclusion. Is this mercy?
Is it mercy to support the defence of an abuser even when his defence is marred with the very techniques used to perpetuate his abuse?
Maybe, more to the point - is it God’s mercy?
The Last Judgment painted by Stefan Lochner in the 15th century.
When I was a kid my mother used to use this phrase to try to incite some kind of behavioural compliance, ‘if you don’t do _____ (whatever I should have been doing), then you’ll be sorry when your Dad gets home.’ This is, pretty much the mainstream theological understanding of the return of Christ. I’m sure my mother wasn’t meaning to teach me theology by threatening me with my Dad’s coming wrath - but that’s pretty much the basics. If we don’t do what Jesus invites us to right now, then just wait until He returns - we will be sorry then. I remember a bumper sticker that read, ‘Jesus is coming! Quick, look busy!’
Our ideas of the return of Christ are riddled with theological rot that is fear-based, authoritative, judgemental, punitive, and full of violent retribution. I grew up hating that idea of God: the angry father coming to judge and punish us. And I’m not alone. I think the knee jerk response to this angry, retributive and scary religious impetus is to reject all hints of any judgement whatsoever - I mean, if God is love then there is no need for judgement anymore, right?
But here’s the thing: erasing judgement is not good news to the oppressed, it’s an overreaction to a misconceived view of God that is costing us dearly. You can’t erase the judgements of God because they are a central part of the biblical witness. The challenge facing us is to stop dismissing judgement and ask instead, what kind of judgement is it and what it is for?
Gods’ judgement is in keeping with God’s revelation of Love.
How can judgement be redemptive and loving?
The religious leaders at the time of Jesus’ ministry were so sure of the details of the Messiah (a.k.a his coming with judgement) they completely missed it. It seems, religious leaders who think they have everything figured out and access to a special favour that makes them the exception to the judgements of God, tend to be blind to the obvious signs of God’s presence among them. They are the ones who can’t recognize Jesus when He shows up, and they love to find someone else to blame when Jesus points out their hypocrisy and blindness. They are the ones who threaten judgement on others but avoid facing it themselves.
Keep in mind that fear of judgement and punishment are terrible motivators that never lead to true transformation. At their very best, they offer compliance training and conformity to a stronger power. The motives for change they create are only to avoid pain. At their worst they are abusive, punitive and oppressive. These motivators have a legacy of abuse. Every survivor of Clergy Sexual Abuse I know had this fear-based judgement used AGAINST THEM. “If people find out, who do you think they’ll believe?” Hagar (the pseudonym for a survivor I’ve walked with) shared that almost every one of her abusers threats came true. People disbelieved, discredited and vilified her story and personhood, just like he said they would. The church reluctantly admitted the truth but without any solidarity or protection or support. Albeit they found ways to keep supporting their former pastor, with a full package when he voluntarily resigned and ongoing financial support revealed later. Hagar’s advice to other survivors is to assure them that even though speaking up is costly, it’s better than being stuck in the abuse itself. “Everything they did to me isn’t as bad as what my abuser had already done. To be free from him is worth it.” Survivors who speak up, at great cost to themselves, almost always experience and express the light as a relief. Is it possible the same light that offers relief to the abused appears as judgement to the abuser?
Now, here’s where it gets interesting.
We know fear is a terrible motivator. We don’t want to be religious judgmental people who miss the mercy and Grace of Jesus. And we are all in desperate need of mercy. But Grace and Truth go together. To fully embrace the mercy of God requires the revelation that we need it. And that’s where judgement comes in. The book most famous for the judgements of God is Revelation. And the mind blowing truth is that the book with the most righteous judgement in it was written from an oppressed person’s viewpoint. To miss this is to miss the Revelation.
Photo by Luis Quintero
In the apocalyptic genre, Revelation is John rightsizing the oppressive power that is literally killing the oppressed christians of his time. John is telling people who have been systematically killed, abused, and oppressed that there is relief coming from their pain and suffering and a reckoning for their abusers. Scot McKnight writes in his book, Revelation for the Rest of Us, that the core messages of the book is how it “Challenges us to stand against the militarism, economic exploitation, oppression, and injustice of worldly authorities.” Russell Moore wrote an article on the way male church leaders use the ‘spirit of Jezebel’ taken from Revelation to cast blame and vilify women who speak out against abuse; “In other words, one is able to point to the Jezebel spirit while doing exactly what Jezebel did, crushing those who stand in the way of the sin one wants to commit (1 Kings 21:8–15). In so doing, it’s possible to twist the Bible to say what it doesn’t say (thus leading people to idolatry) while literally demonizing women in order to minimize one’s own sexual transgression (thus teaching people to excuse immorality). That’s exactly what the false prophet of Thyatira was doing.”
Miroslav Volf writes about God’s judgement as essential spiritual care when dealing with oppressed people suggesting that to downplay the judgements of God to a people who have been crushed by injustice and oppression is to deny that God is Good. There must be a reckoning for people who have harmed others, not because God is not merciful but because people resist mercy without judgement. “God will judge not because God gives people what they deserve, but because some people refuse to receive what no one deserves; if evildoers experience God's terror, it will not be because they have done evil, but because they have resisted to the end the powerful lure of the open arms of the crucified Messiah.”
Divine judgement is part of God’s redemptive plan.
Put simply, the fear of Gods’ judgement is designed to put the ‘fear of God’ in people who are oppressing others. According to the biblical witness it’s as true for Pharoah as it is for Israel’s beloved Kings. Leaders who perpetuate injustice and oppress people will face God’s judgement. This is the consistent message of every prophet. Leaders who are abusive, and perpetrators in cycles of harm should fear God and Jesus’ return. People who have been abused or oppressed in the darkness are not the ones who are afraid of the light, they long for it. The scriptures explain the oppressed are the ones longing for right judgement, crying out to God, ‘how long oh Lord?’ The Psalmist says, “the righteous rejoice at the judgements of the Lord.” And yet, it often seems like those who have done the most excluding, oppressing, and abusing are the ones who downplay the judgement of God (especially on themselves!). I think they should reconsider. More specifically, I think we should all reconsider what the judgement of God is for.
Eyes to See.
Photo by Bastian Riccardi
In order for this world to be made right, people need to see clearly. Isaiah explained that we are blind to the truth and that our blindness has caused us to grope around, trying to find our way in the dark. Worse than that, Jesus added, we ask people to follow us even though we don’t know the way. He is speaking to religious leaders.
Revelation 3:17-20 kicks off a letter to a church where their tagline is probably ‘everything is awesome!’ and explains what spiritual blindness is and what judgement is for:
You say, ‘I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.’ But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked. I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see. Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest, and repent. Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me..
The great unfolding of Revelation is John’s attempt to uncover our current reality with a truer picture of our reality in light of who Jesus really is.
In his apocalyptic vision, there are pictures of judgements unleashed, death and destruction, a reckoning as the world begins to shake. There is an unfolding scene where people are trying to find a place to hide from the coming of Jesus and they can’t because the mountains keep falling around them. There is nowhere to go. Nowhere to escape the coming of Jesus. Revelation 6: 14-17 describes it, “The heavens receded like a scroll being rolled up, and every mountain and island was removed from its place.Then the kings of the earth, the princes, the generals, the rich, the mighty, and everyone else, both slave and free, hid in caves and among the rocks of the mountains. They called to the mountains and the rocks, “Fall on us and hide us from the face of him who sits on the throne and from the wrath of the Lamb! For the great day of their wrath has come, and who can withstand it?””
The light comes for us all.
I believe these descriptive elements of Revelation describe how it feels to be so wrong about everything you thought you were right about. How it feels to be exposed as a scam when you are supposed to be a great ruler. How it feels to be compared to the maker of heaven and earth. How it feels for the world you created to come crashing down around you and have nowhere to go. How it feels to have no control, or ability to change anything or any place to hide. How it feels to be your naked self and how ashamed we are in the light IN ORDER that we might bow our knee to the only one able to do anything about our reality. Jesus. Remember him? The one who came to save. The one who came to overcome death, sin and hell. The one who made a way for us to be forgiven, healed, restored and made right. The very next scene in Revelation 7 is a multitude from the nations (too big to count), dressed in white, forgiven, restored and completely healed. Surely this is the outcome of the judgement.
Is this the wrath they so feared?
It’s also worth to consider who is afraid in the revelatory unveiling - it begins first with the ‘kings and leaders’ of the earth. Revelation itself is meant to reveal the person and plans of Jesus. What might it be like for us to witness the complete and utter rule and reign of Christ? Apparently, there will be no need for a sun because Christ will be our light. The sea will be crystal - not even a hint of chaos. People ‘no one can number’ from every nation, tribe and tongue will be washed clean, healed, forgiven and together. One, reconciled people. The lion will lie down with the lamb. All hierarchical destructive cycles will stop. The violence and fear will be no more. No more weeping. No more pain. No more suffering. No more death. No more hypocrisy. No more hiding. No more darkness. The return of Christ will LEAD TO THIS. This is the final picture - the end game. Everyone redeemed.
What judgement is for
For the lion to lie down with the lamb requires very little change from the lamb. It requires a lot from the lion. The breaking of enmity between the lion and lamb requires the lion to experience a complete departure from its past and present intention to hunt, kill and devour the ones under its dominant position in the food chain. It is a symbol of the transforming power of God to change things so fear no longer drives and shame no longer imprisons us. The inevitably of exposure (judgement) in the scriptures is giving leaders ‘the top of the human power chain’ a glimpse of the reign of God. It’s going to be different. Vastly different for the lamb who is used to being afraid, but even more disorienting for the Lion who experiences a complete reset of its natural instincts and superior status. It’s not a matter of just getting rid of the fear of God but of understanding what that fear is for. The judgement of God is a declaration of God’s righteous intent to redeem everything - including abusers.
Surely this is the motivation of the midwives who refused Pharoahs’ request to kill the Israelite babies. The scripture says ‘they feared God more than Pharoah’. Is this not an early hint of the reveal? A glimpse into what it would look like to live by a truer picture of a Life-giving God. True freedom is to refuse the illusion of power for a true and redeeming one? Our hope is to live free of shadows and see the destructive powers of this world fully exposed in light of God’s true power? Surely this is what Mary was singing about in her song rejoicing in the overthrow of the rich and powerful while the lowly are raised up?
I highly recommend the documentary exposing the sickness of abuse in the western church: For Our Daughters on Youtube
Back to abusive pastors and my hope for their full redemption. 1
The pastor I’m most familiar with has yet to fully confess (he has made a false confession of ‘an affair’ in spite of the evidence of abuse). He has made no effort at restitution for the harm he has caused (a full confession would need to be the start), the victims have received barely any public support or financial compensation (on the contrary, they have received much criticism, public shaming and hate-filled online abuse) but the appeal is made, on the abusers behalf, to be merciful… to be people filled with grace over judgement. The appeal for mercy is a good one and I wholeheartedly support it, but that is not what this is. Mercy, genuine mercy, comes when someone receives it as relief, the only good way out of a cycle of harm.
When we use mercy as an excuse to minimize, cover or eliminate the consequences of abusive behaviour it only perpetuates the cycle of harm that the abuser is part of and stuck in. In this context mercy becomes permission. Grace is cheap.
A different leader in another organization I know, has abused women over many years that are just now coming to light. He texted me when it started to become public and asked me to pray for his forgiveness. ‘Can God ever forgive me?’ was his question. The answer didn’t take me long. Yes. Of course. But as I prayed for him and his freedom I had an image flash through my mind, a scene from the Chronicles of Narnia of Eustace in The Voyage of the Dawntreader. His own greed and choices had led to his imprisonment in the form of a dragon. As it dawned on him that he would be trapped this way forever he began to cry. He was desperate for freedom from his monstrous condition. The power and treasure he so longed to possess became the very thing that isolated and trapped him. He suffered the loneliness and darkness of his condition. He began to understand how his selfish desire and actions had been a terrible mistake and he cried out for mercy from his fate. He found a sacred bathing pool that was meant to heal the body and he tried it - but to no avail… he could not change his own condition.
That’s when Aslan came to help.
“Then the lion said - but I don't know if it spoke – ‘You will have to let me undress you.’ I was afraid of his claws, I can tell you, but I was pretty nearly desperate now. So I just lay flat down on my back to let him do it.
“The very first tear he made was so deep that I thought it had gone right into my heart. And when he began pulling the skin off, it hurt worse than anything I've ever felt… he peeled the beastly stuff right off ... And there was I as smooth and soft as a peeled switch and smaller than I had been. Then he caught hold of me - I didn't like that much for I was very tender underneath now that I'd no skin on - and threw me into the water. It smarted like anything but only for a moment. After that it became perfectly delicious and as soon as I started swimming and splashing I found that all the pain had gone from my arm. And then I saw why. I'd turned into a boy again..."
Aslan came to the rescue. But the rescue was different than Eustace might have imagined.
If we pretend mercy is on offer for those who haven’t faced the consequences of their own actions it won’t be mercy they receive. If we really want redemption for offenders, then judgement is the way to find mercy. Exposure and judgement is a necessary means by which mercy is revealed for what mercy truly is - a triumph over judgement not a diversion from it.
The ultimate purpose of the return of Christ is the final revelation of God’s ultimate hope. True peace. Reconciliation. Healing. Everything wrong is made right. True peace. The way we get to restoration is not by twisting, justifying, or distorting truth to suit us. We can’t make things right by creating theology or ideology that makes us look better than we are. We get there by facing the truth, admitting our inability to save ourselves, acknowledging our nakedness and shame, and confessing our wrongs.
I truly long for Jesus to come back. I long for the day that LIGHT will help us see the truth. I believe with my whole heart that the truth will set us free. I imagine that final day of judgement like the day my friend described his arrest. Jailed after a DUI and an accident that nearly killed a child. He called it a ‘great grace’ to be caught. A ‘great grace’ to be stopped and confronted with his own capacity for harm and denial. God grant that a ‘great grace’ would come to us all.
In a jail cell on his knees, this man called out for mercy, asked for grace and received it. Little by little he let the light lead him towards an honest reckoning. As he faced the light, from inside of him grew a deep desire to be a better man. And with that desire came an answer from heaven. A power greater than him was given to him, in order for him to keep transforming into the image of Jesus. He made every wrong he could think of right, as far as it depended on him. He lived in the light. He made no excuses for his past. He let kindness in. He leads others in that same way now mostly in the basements of church buildings through a recovery program. He is in love with light now. He longs to know more about what he could do, what else he could learn, what wrongs he could make right. He can’t wait for the Light to come in all its fullness. Because he has come to understand, as have I, that it’s the light that leads us home. The place we can be fully known and fully loved.
But this is so hard to believe. This is so hard to imagine. The revealing (revelation) of the immense facade of our self-centred and image-controlled world, the one we created for ourselves at the expense of others, is terrifying. And this is why we reject it. We refuse it. We ‘choose the darkness’ because it’s comfortable and safe. It’s what we know. It’s what we like. Vilifying truth-tellers and victimizing abusers is so much easier than doing the work required to live in the light and recognize the truth of our own complicity and our own desperate need for mercy.
We love narratives that perpetuate the hero’s journey; the broken but gifted leader who just needs more understanding instead of the abuser who needs an accounting. We must keep this myth alive to make our ideology of a God who wouldn’t judge us work. We are the chosen ones. We are the special ones. We are the righteous ones. And so we distort mercy and discredit grace.
This is why I long for a better story. Something true. Something real. I long for the judgements of God that lead us to God’s Mercy and a Grace that’s found in Truth. I long for the light to lead us. I long for every victim to experience healing and every abuser to find redemption, real redemption, not some exceptional minimising drivel disguised as mercy. I long for the coming reign of God where no one has to hide, and no one hunts. I’m longing for the rule and reign of Jesus.
How long oh Lord?
If you’d like to help victims of clergy sexual abuse you can donate to Hagar’s Voice. We don’t pay the legal fees of abusers - we promise. ;-)
Thank you, Danielle. As a survivor, and as one who has had the privilege of journeying alongside countless other survivors, it always feels like you are speaking right to me. Thank you for the way you have investigated and advocated alongside, even at great cost. You reflect back the light so well and with a theological understanding that helps me grow in my own relationship with God. So grateful for your boldness.