But what about the men?

The controversial centering of women in the Christmas story and why it matters.

I’m not even sure where to begin. I’ve got a lot of energy swirling around about how difficult it seems to get men out of the center of every story. Even as I write that line I know people are already defensive… come on Danielle, don’t be like that - men matter too. And they do. Of course they do. Have I mentioned I love men - I’ve been married almost 30 years to good one ;-) and I have three amazing boys.

Maybe some background of how this angst has grown might help.

Let’s go back in time. Around ten years ago I started a street outreach to women who were houseless and sexually exploited on the cold, dark, streets of Edmonton, Alberta, Canada. Women are often under-represented in homeless statistics because sexual exploitation ‘catches them’ and further increases the oppressive realities of poverty and marginalization but keeps them out of shelters. Women were welcome at the ‘warming center’ we ran out of our local inner-city church, as was anyone suffering from exclusion in the harshest winter conditions I’ve ever experienced. But women are not safe in co-ed places. This is as true in boardrooms and church offices (tragically) as it is in warming centres or drop ins. I’m not making this up. 1 in 3 women in Canada will be sexually harassed or abused in her life. That’s the facts. And those are the ones reported. I witnessed a man groping a woman who had fallen asleep beside him. She was so exhausted by the harsh realities of houselessness, she had collapsed over her empty soup bowl. He saw her and thought this was the perfect time to sexually assault her. We dealt with the man and restated our desire to make a safe place for everyone, but the truth was obvious: it would not be safe for women if it was not exclusive for women.

So, through a series of miraculous events we were donated an outreach van that had been built to be a living room on wheels. It was perfect. With teams of volunteers we could head out to where the women were - often stuck under the oppressive gaze of their exploiters. And they could get on the van, get something warm to drink/eat and have a chance to connect with our team about potential options to break the cycle of oppression. It was for and by women. It was beautiful. It was sacred. It was working.

But here’s the thing: every time (and I mean every time) we told the story of the women’s outreach van, the first question someone would ask was ‘what about the men?’ When people heard about the exclusivity of the outreach van they reacted with genuine shock and sometimes outrage. How could we exclude men?

A few years later, after a tragic conversation in the back of a brothel with the ‘working manager’, I was reminded that practically every woman I met who had suffered from sexual exploitation had been introduced to that oppression as a pre-teen. ‘Where were you when I was 11?’ was a question a woman asked me that triggered my memories and stirred my heart. A few weeks later, in LA, I met Noemi Chavez who had discovered the same link in the oppressive cycle of sexual exploitation and was doing something about it. Revive Church in Long Beach started to identify girls vulnerable to the nefarious ways of traffickers and get to them first, offering tools and practical strategies and support to escape the horror of human trafficking. That’s a movement still going strong called Brave Global - check it out.

But HERE’s THE THING: When I share about the strategy of empowering girls the number one thing I’m asked (maybe you can guess this now?) is ‘what about the boys?’ I think I get the question and I know that our liberation is tied together - but every time we center girls/women - the pushback is always that we have left out the men. We have a very hard time with this. ¹

I was at a Christmas event that offered beautiful reflections around Jesus’ birth. It featured thoughts on the experience of the wise men, and a glorious song from the perspective of Joseph. It pondered whether Jesus looked like David, or Moses or Solomon or… they went through all the patriarchs, even though it seems pretty obvious that without any other human DNA but Marys’, Jesus obviously looked like his mother?! Not one person (except for me?) asked the question, even after an entire event centering the story, feelings, and perspective of men in the Christmas story, ‘what about the women?’

Now, here is where things get even wilder. The gospel writers of the New Testament, who tell the original story of Jesus’ birth, go OUT OF THEIR WAY to center the women. In Luke for example, men are moved to the peripheral of the story. Herod is totally out of the loop and barely makes it in, relegated to the edges of the story, he pushes in eventually after the events of Jesus’ arrival through violence, fear and oppression. Zechariah, a male priest who has the closest access to religious power is silenced, BY GOD. His voice is taken away so that he cannot speak. Joseph is invited to re-center his story around his wife’s calling and obedience. The invited seekers (shepherds and wise-men, are all invited to orientate their lives and focus around Mary and the child). The unfolding story is a radical Divine emphasis on women. Which is to say that women have a strategic role in the Good News of the New Creation. This is especially daring when you consider the male-centered worldview at the time and place of Jesus’ arrival.

Mary Greets Elizabeth

by Bette Dickinson

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Why is the story told this way? And why is it so hard for us to keep women central to the telling of the story today?

Maybe the WAY Jesus enters into our world matters as much as the way he exits it? Maybe Jesus chooses the margins, the excluded, the overlooked, those who ‘don’t count’ and aren’t noticed much to emphasize his priorities and abilities to see differently? Maybe the upside down (right side up?) nature of God’s Kingdom requires a re-orienting to the way Divine power is displayed? God’s power always flows down and out… well, I think the longest passage of scripture in the entire New Testament credited to a woman is Mary’s song, and if we would listen to her (big IF here) she explains why God would choose to come to earth through her and what it might mean. Fascinating that this is the passage of scripture most frequently banned from public reading (in at least four countries) and almost entirely overlooked. Instead of Mary being the star lead role in every Christmas nativity play, she just stands there silently, holding a baby. Why is it so hard to center women?

I’m pretty sure God, who strategically focuses on women, is also familiar with the tired but persistent question, ‘what about the men?’ I also believe the question could be a good one - if it was genuinely asked. Maybe we could start to imagine what the answer is? Maybe the men are invited to get out of the center to listen and learn? Maybe the men have much to understand from a different perspective? Maybe the men are seekers, gift-bearers, silent witnesses, supporters, and some of the most strategic allies in Gods will and ways, if and when they can get out of the center of the story and join in.

What about the men?

Turns out, it’s not a bad question.

1. *(FYI: we have started a boys Brave strategy).