Why generosity can be complicated..
and how getting it right releases joy!
Generosity is reciprocal. I’ve been intentionally practising generosity, daily, as part of my way of life. Infinitum (latin for boundless) is a way of life that follows Jesus, loves God, self and others, and lives this out through 3 simple postures; surrender, generosity and mission. You can find out more at infinitumlife.com
But the point of telling you this is to say that even though I practise this daily, I still struggle with generosity. I grew up in a culture of giving. We gave until it hurt. Which it did. It almost felt like if it didn’t hurt some, it wasn’t really giving. So, imagine my concern when it got difficult for me to give. When the giving was an exercise of will instead of joy. I mean, the scriptures say that God loves a cheerful giver AND I was not one of those. Actually, I think it’s fair to say that when you only practise the kind of giving that is one-sided (where you do all the giving), you run out of joy juice pretty quickly. It soon becomes a chore to give and then resentment and scarcity walk right in to suck away any potential benefit of calling, purpose and the radical posture of Jesus - generosity. It turns out giving can suck the life out of you. Who knew?
On one occasion, I was practically forced (really just asked but my obligation index was high) to help a houseless couple, stranded in a small town, walking down the side of the road to nowhere. My supervisor gave me the credit card for our organization (The Salvation Army), and told me to go help (they had received a call from the police to sort this couple out). Off I went, with a smile on my face and a whole heaping of resentment in my heart. I was tired, had just worked through my holidays, had flown in late to the occasion and forgot to eat. I was hungry, angry, lonely and tired (HALT!). Now, I was ‘giving’ more.
I picked them up, drove to the only grocery store within 100 miles, and made plans to get them a bus ticket home. When we entered the store to buy some food, I remember the smell - it smelled like fresh strawberries! We all looked over at the stand where the luscious, full and sweet berries sat, filling the room with the aroma of goodness. As we discovered them, we all saw the price and just as quickly lowered our gaze. I mean, those strawberries were a fortune! And we instinctively and collectively embraced the reality of our situation - beggars can’t be choosers.
But that’s when it happened. I remembered something. Something that would change everything. I remembered that I had the credit card for the headquarters of The Salvation Army in my back pocket. I KNEW there was enough money for strawberries! So, with a brand new, huge and michevius smile, I asked a rhetorical question, ‘anyone want some fresh strawberries?’ and put a pile of those golden strawberries (at that price that’s what I figured they were made of!) in the cart. That first act was followed by many others that ushered us from tired, hungry and resentful, to joyful, energetic and teeming with life. When I took my new friends to the bus depot they asked if I would pray for them. I was a little startled that they asked, and a little embarrassed I hadn’t offered. They told me that this had been the most delightful afternoon they had had for as long as they could remember and they’d like more of it. They weren’t talking about the money or even the food (although they were grateful). They were talking about the encounter we had had together. Joy had overflowed and we had drank from the well together - it was refreshing and pure. The strawberries were just an appetizer on the Divine menu that day! Generosity had bubbled over and into and through us all. We felt something shift. I told them about Jesus, whose spirit we had already tasted together and they wanted more.
On the drive back I was overjoyed. While celebrating, God reminded me about the drive there, the one where I hadn’t had the same enthusiasm, and asked me a question: ‘what changed?’ It didn’t take me long to deduce that everything had changed when I realized the credit card was in my back pocket! Chi-ching! It was when I discovered that I had a resource bigger than me that I was able to relax and enjoy the invitation God was giving me to live differently: to give and to receive, to tap into something greater than me and connect with the resources that are eternal - hope, love, faith.
“God isn’t short of cash!” as Bono liked to say. But I am. I still feel a lack of resources. I still get tired, and grumpy and lonely and sense the resentment and scarcity encroaching at the edges of my life. And it’s here that my tendency is to dig a little deeper and keep giving. But, my practise of Generosity, has taught me that this is when it is not just about giving more - it’s about reciprocity. When Jesus sent out the disciples on their first mission he made it pretty clear how this ministry life was going to go, ‘freely you have received, now, freely give.’ Not rocket science - but so, so hard to practise.
When I feel the ‘not enough’ creeping into my life, I know it’s time to practise receiving. When I feel entitlement or scepticism encroaching, I know it’s time to give freely. It’s a practise to feel the edges of discomfort and lean in the right direction at the right time. But it’s a great relief to know that it’s a rhythm that can enrich and widen my participation with the God of enough. No wonder generosity is deeply connected to joy - it’s where we find ‘enoughness’ in our collectively undernourished culture of never enough.
So, this is where I need to get a little vulnerable. This is where things get really hard in my reciprocal generosity practise: I hate asking for things. I’m not great at asking for help. And I especially can’t stand asking for money. I’m not sure why. It makes me feel small, or deficient somehow. Like I don’t have it together. It makes me feel needy. And I’ve worked long and hard to cover up those needs. :-) But in order for generosity to work for us all, we need to take turns. Giving and receiving. And in order for me to be human and invite others into their own humanity we need to be taking turns. Giving and receiving. Jesus helps us here. He was able to ask for what he needed. Jesus modelled receiving from God in every possible way, emotionally, physically, spiritually. And, He modelled receiving from other humans as well, emotionally, physically and spiritually. It’s mindblowing that everyone gets invited into this divine rhythm of overflow and that one result of taking up Gods’ invitation to freely receive and freely give brings SO MUCH JOY. So, why is it difficult to ask? Pride. Ego. The usual culprits. So, let’s give this a go as a way of surrendering pride, rightsizing my ego and practising the way of Jesus through reciprocal giving:
Tuesday is giving Tuesday (although it can be ANY TUESDAY!) and there is a wonderful opportunity to give to our new charitable arm of Boundless Enterprise. Both Canadian and American donors can receive tax receipts. And we need help. Our work is to gather, equip, support and launch entrepreneurial efforts (people and projects) at the intersection of faith and justice. This work is life-giving and good - and to be honest, pretty hard! Supporting survivors of abuse, raising up a generation of female church planters, forming deep and meaningful spiritual roots and rhythms, creating affordable housing AND redefining family, raising the voices of women, and many, many things… yet, we are always blown away by the way God is using this to serve so many people and bring hope and faith and love into the world daily. To be sure, we could use all kinds of things (prayer, volunteers, and collaborators) but for this giving Tuesday, and end of year giving - we really need some financial partners.
There, I did it. :-) Asking for money and support is hard because it’s about getting honest with our own limitations and need. But it’s also making it possible for other people to meet them. And it’s helping all of us attune to the Spirit of Generosity who is perpetually inviting us to the dance of reciprocity together. That’s gotta fill the world with joy! May we all know this kind of generosity. If you’ve got the capacity to give - please do so. And if just reading this makes you feel your own scarcity deepen, then friend - I invite you to start receiving! And no matter who you are and what part of generosity you are practising right now, thanks for helping me practise the way of Jesus.